Going back many years....I used to post things here about my kids...and my attempt to parent them. I'm no longer a stay-at-home-dad, in fact my kids don't even live here full time anymore as they are both going to college out of state.

But the urge hit me today to write something related to parenting....so here you go.....

I know 2020 has been hard for a lot of people....but the "2020 is the worst and endlessly awful" mentality is getting tired.

So I present my own  personal 2020 has been awesome list.  I encourage you to make your own.

I started a new job which I enjoy.  It's been a LONG time since I could say that.

My son graduated high school and got valuable real world work experience working in the IT field through a work-school CO-OP program.

My daughter finished her 1st year of college and over came the sudden switch to distance learning and made the Dean's list for Winter Term.

My wife and daughter completed a marathon together (my daughter's first and my wife's....I've lost count, but it's a lot). They also completed a triathlon just a few weeks ago.  They are awesome!

My son joined the men's choir at college, despite not being in choir during high school. He must have been listening all those years we told him he was an awesome singer after hearing him sing in church and in the car.   :)

My daughter was made a student manager at her on campus job. She is a born leader.

This list could be and should be much longer....but as is tradition with my posts, I try not to over think them and just let them happen.

Unexpected out of retirement post

You know what's scary about life. Things happen. Things you could never see coming. Things that are terrible, or hard, or life changing and completely unexpected.

A few weeks ago, we were on vacation in Michigan, having a fabulous time as a family.

Suddenly my son is lying face down in a parking lot. Did not see it happen, but apparently he fainted and fell face first into the asphalt. He's bleeding. His teeth hurt. His jaw hurts. Will he need stitches? Is there an ER or Urgent Care near by?

Things happen. Scary things that you could never see coming. Things that can change everything, literally in a matter of seconds.

My little example has a boring and happy ending. He's fine. There was Urgent Care near by and they took great care of him. He may have a scar on his chin, but no other teeth or jaw issues.

(And if you see him, don't ask him about it. His teenager embarrassment will kick in and I'll be in trouble for over sharing.)

When I retired from this blog because I'm not a stay-at-home-dad anymore, it was mostly because I did not have as much time to write as I once did. Very little editing goes into this whole project...just kind of write and go. I enjoy writing and I think it helps me think through things. Well today, I had another unexpected event that provided time to write. An unplanned day off work to deal with a minor (and embarrassing) health issue (rhymes with schmemroids....is that too much information?) gave me time to write.

I've though a lot about that day with my son. My mind can not comprehend the other possible outcomes that day.

My life is so easy and so perfect....and yet I complain daily about it.
Why is that?
Why is it so easy to list the few minor things that would make my life better, instead of the millions of major things that make my life so incredibly sweet already?


(just re-read this....maybe I need an editor. 😀  Kind of incoherent, and not sure what the point is...)

Signing Off

It's been a good run....

How do we keep failing so many kids?

These thoughts have been swirling around in my head for the last several days.  I have no answers, only questions.  I write them here just to see if expressing them brings any new perspective.

A few days ago, our community lost another teenager to suicide.  Another.  This would be horrifying enough as an isolated case...but it isn't.   Not even close.  Another?!?!?

How do we keep failing so many kids?

I hear two opposing views on kids and parenting:
Kids today face more pressure than ever before.  Social media, year round sports, grades, jobs, scholarships...all these are making our kids stressed out way too soon.  They don't have a chance to be kids.
Kids today are coddled by helicopter parents and never given a chance to fail.  They are soft and spoiled.

How can these both be true?  Every child is different and deserves their own middle ground on the scale between the world asking too much or too little from them.

How can we encourage without pressuring? Support without coddling?  Let them fail without them feeling abandoned?

I don't have the answers.
I have no idea if I'm doing it right with my own kids.
I pray that I am.
I pray that we all are.

People, Silence, Pizza and Apologies

I had to apologize to my daughter the other day.

I was dropping her off at Driver's Ed class (which is a whole other scary subject that I could spend time writing about...not that she's going to be a bad driver, but that I'm old enough to have a daughter that drives.) where was I....

I was dropping her off at Driver's Ed class and we were talking about how there are a handful of kids in the class she sort of knows, but none of her close friends are in the class.  She told me how they all sit silently on the floor in the hallway before class and nobody talks to each other.  I told her that was silly, that she should say "Hi" to somebody and get the conversation started.  She told me she would try to at least smile at somebody, but she wasn't sure she could break the silence.

At the time, I did not understand. Why didn't she want to talk to people.  She's a very friendly person. Gets along with everybody.  Has lots of friends.  Seemed weird to me that she wouldn't talk to them.

I think there were two or three days where I playfully (at least it was playful in my head, hopefully she did not take it as me commanding her to do something) encouraged her to talk to the others in the hallway.  But every day when I picked her up, the silence had gone unbroken.


On Wednesday nights, we have confirmation class at our church.  Our kids are in class, and my wife and I are volunteer parent table guides.  Before class, everybody gathers for pizza.

On one particular recent Wednesday night, I found myself standing with my plate of pizza in a corner of the room.  I wasn't sitting with people at a table...just standing there by myself.  Not wanting to talk to anyone.  I just wasn't in the mood to be social.  I just wanted to stand there, by myself, and not talk to anyone.  Even though I was in a room of people I knew, and I'm a friendly guy.  Just leave me alone with my pizza.

That night when we got home, I apologized to my daughter for pushing her earlier in the week.

And now I'm trying to figure out why I gave that advice in the first place.
I'm not one that strikes up conversations with people.
I am comfortable with silence.
Why couldn't I let her be the same way?
Why was it so important for me that she not sit with people and not talk to them?
I still haven't figured it out.

My kids are very awesome young people...
Sometimes I just need to get out of the way and let them be themselves.

Identity (again)

Long time readers (Hi, Becky!) know I've written a lot over the years about how I define myself.  And recently, how this blog really should have a new name, because I rarely "stay-at-home-dad" much anymore.  But with all the marketing we've done with that brand....the t-shirts, key chains and billboards....I guess we'll just leave it.  We certainly do still have our everyday adventures!

10 years ago,  when asked what I do, I would say meekly, "I stay home with my kids."  Followed quickly and more assertively with, "but I used to be a computer programmer.  That's what I went to school for and that's what I did for the past 12 years!"

But recently when asked the dreaded "what do you do?" question, my response was quite the opposite.   "I work at a bank."  I said quickly to get it out of the way.   "But I used to stay home with my kids!"   It came out proudly...Almost trying to cover up the fact that I had any other job too.  That I would ever think of leaving my kids home alone to head to work.

So, what do I do?
Ask me again in 10 years....

Fourteen

Fourteen is an interesting age. Getting more independent and mature every day, but still a growing and learning child.  Some days, like yesterday, are an amazing combination of everything.

On the one hand, my mature independent daughter will be traveling to New York City with the High School band next year.  (New York City!!!). We got an information packet in the mail yesterday.  To an overprotective (see Marlin from 'Finding Nemo') dad like me, this is a very scary thing.  And to make matters worse, she was not overly excited that my wife expressed interest in joining the trip as a chaperone.  A little too independent and mature.

On the other hand, my little girl curled up on the bed after school yesterday and spent hours watching episodes of 'Arthur' on Netflix. That was our daily routine when she came home from kindergarten many years ago....grab a snack and turn on PBS kids.

So here we are....stuck somewhere in the middle of growing up and staying young.  If we're lucky, she'll keep doing both.