1984 6th grader vs. 2014 6th grader

Flashback to 1984...an 11 year old 6th grader begs his parents for Nike shoes...because "everybody else has them!"  The parents give in for some reason and by the shoes (even though I'm pretty sure they couldn't afford them).  He was happy to have them, and wore them until they fell apart....but really, I'm not sure they really made much of a difference in the grand scheme of things.

(Imagine that...the shoes you wear don't make that much difference....a lesson that insecure boy can admit 30 years later.)

Flashforward to 2014....an 11 year old 6th grader won't even try on Under Armour shorts because "everybody else has them!"  And he's right.  Based on what I've seen at middle school activities over the last couple years, a very large percentage of kids has Under Armour clothing.  And I will admit that I have been tempted to buy him a t-shirt or sweatshirt so that he can be like the other kids.

(Imagine that....the lesson hasn't exactly sunk in 30 years later.)

There are some things I'm glad I have not passed on to my kids.   :)

Friendships: My Hope For My Kids

I've been thinking a lot about friends lately.  Not specific friends....but friends in general.

I worry about my kids having friends at school.
I'm jealous of my wife's circle of friends.
I miss some old friends.

I worry about my kids having friends.  
When I look back on my school days, there are two very different versions of me that I remember.
The Clear Lake version of me, while by no means part of the "popular" crowd, had a lot of friends.  Many of those people I kept in touch with over the years after high school...even before Facebook made keeping in touch so much easier.  Now on Facebook, I can keep in touch with lots and lots of friends from Clear Lake...first crushes, little league teammates, second crushes, kids from other grades that I didn't event think knew who I was, third crushes, people from my church, fourth crushes...tons and tons of people I grew up with.  I really enjoy keeping up with everybody.
The Waverly version of me kept in touch with nobody.  Even now on Facebook, I have exactly one friend from the school I attended my junior and senior years of high school.  I spent those two years trying to fade into the back ground.  My introverted way took over with a vengeance those two years, and I did my best to not attract attention to myself.  And I must have done a good job of that.
So when I think of my kids and the friendships they are forming now in school, I really hope they are finding good friends and forming lifelong relationships with good kids....but I guess I can understand from personal experience if they are not.  Sometimes it's easier to just fade into the background.

Spending the last 8 years primarily as a Stay-At-Home parent, it has been easy for me to do that again.  To make my life all about my kids...and to let myself fade into the background.  Perhaps that is why now I am a little jealous of my wife's circle of friends.  Not that I am jealous of the activities they are involved in, but nearly every weekend my wife could be involved in some sort of activity with her friends.  Today for example, she was part of a running relay team that ran from Oshkosh to Green Bay (that's about 55 miles).  This summer she will be part of her 4th Ragnar Relay team.  A couple weeks ago she drove with friends from Wisconsin to Virginia for a running event.  She has options all the time, with a really great group of people.  My group is pretty much my wife, my kids, and my parents.  Which is ok 99% of the time for me....but sometimes I get a little jealous that my wife has so many more people to choose from.

I miss some old friends.  I have a handful of close friends from high school and college...but none lives anywhere near me.  They are scattered from Minnesota to Texas and every state in between.  Sometime I wish they would all just drop what they're doing and come see me.

Friendship is a great thing, but it can also be a hard thing.  My life has provided a very mixed bag of results....I hope my kids are doing okay.

Decline of society....or at least boys pants.

Back in my day....when you had a school concert or church function, the rule was always "No Jeans!"  Meaning you had to dress up and wear nice pants.   Jeans were not nice pants.   And there were always those few kids that would complain that they only owned jeans.  And I would always wonder how a kid could not own nice dress pants.

Fast forward 30 years.....

My son brought a note home from his choir teacher today.  For their concert later this month they need to wear jeans.   My son does not own any jeans!  Or any "nice" dress pants for that matter.  He only wears athletic pants.  How have we (and by we I mean me) gotten to this point?

A Tale Of Two Songs

I have made several Facebook posts of words from a song we've recently sung in church that I find to be particularly meaningful.  Tonight was one of those nights when, for reasons I can't even name, a song seems to be speaking directly to me.  At tonight's Lenten service we sang "You Are Mine."  By the end, all I could do was listen....too choked up to sing.  And I can't really even explain why.  Music is powerful that way.

I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near

I am hope for all who are hopeless
I am eyes for all who long to see
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light
Come and rest in Me

Chorus:
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine


Then afterwards, in the car we put on a song that has become one of my daughter's favorites -
"Madness" by Muse.  Whenever the two of us are in the car, we put it on and turn it up...way up....don't tell my wife....and we jam...especially on the guitar solo.  I'm pretty sure whenever I hear that song for the rest of my life, I'll picture her and me in the minivan dancing and singing at the top of our lungs, "I have finally realized, I need your loooooooooove."


One evening....two very different songs...both special.

6th grade, Computers and Showers

The other day in the shower (why is it that the best thinking is done in the shower?) I was randomly thinking about my son being in 6th grade.  About 100 years ago, when I was in 6th grade, I was chosen to be part of a sort of extra curricular computer group.  I don't remember a lot of the details....but I remember getting to get out of class to go to the library to learn how to use the computer.  And some BASIC programming.

probably looked a lot like this:
10 print "Nathan is awesome"
20 goto 10

(remember those days...when the school had that one computer in the library that everybody shared.)

I'm not sure how or why I was chosen, but I remember thinking that it was pretty cool.  And it probably started me on my path to what would become my field of study in college and eventually my career.

(although I've changed careers since then from "computer programmer" to "no idea.")

I was just thinking about how now my son knows more about computers than I do, and wondering where, if anywhere, that will lead him.

I've often said that I peaked in 6th grade....I hope the same is not true for him.

Closing Time

"Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world"

I've always really liked the song "Closing Time" by Semisonic.  It's been called an ode to bar closing...but to me it was always about college graduation.  I can count on one hand the times I've been out to a bar.  And on no hands the times I've stayed until bar closing.  But I did graduate from college.  Apparently the themes are similar.

"Closing time
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here"

Changes, and possibilities, and the unknown, and looking back, and looking froward.  

These are the things this song makes me think of.

"Closing time

Time for you to go out to the places you will be from"

So it was an awesome, almost goosebump raising moment this morning as I pulled into the Target parking lot to tell them I was quitting...and "Closing Time" came on the radio.

I know....how cool is that?

"Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

And with that, another chapter in the stay-at-home-dad (who doesn't stay home anymore) story is over. The plan was to stay at Target through the school year back in 2008 and it turned into 5+ years.

I'm not sure bank teller is the destination, but it is the next leg of the journey.

Top 5 things I don't know

We've all seen those lists from parenting blogs...or links to magazine articles.
"Top Twenty Things Every Parent Should Teach Their Kids"
"Top 10 Things A Dad With Daughters Should Do"
"25 Things A Mom Can Teach Her Sons"

I've read them, and even found some of the tips insightful and helpful.
But I'm usually left with one thought...how do other parents know so much?

After a particularly large parenting fail on my part yesterday, I decided to put together my own parenting list.

And now, straight from the home office in Kaukauna, Wisconsin, I present

The Top 5 Things I Do Not Know

 1.  How to eat healthy.  

Does not super sizing on a trip through the drive-thru count?

2.  How to do laundry.  

I don't really mind doing laundry.  And after these many years as a stay-at-home parent, I've done A LOT of laundry.  But I don't really follow any rules.  Sort lights and darks, wash this in cold, that in warm, lay flat to dry....bah....it all goes in hot water together and then in the dryer.

3.  How to have a serious conversation with my kids.  

"Dad, why did Grandma have to get cancer?"
"Hey, want to hear a knock-knock joke?"

"Dad, did you hear about that school shooting?"
"Who wants ice cream?!?!?"

4.  Where all the money goes.

When my kids get out on their own and are looking for budgeting advice and techniques, we'll probably have to google it.

5.  How to be patient.

I used to think this was my strong point as a dad.  But it seems to be getting worse as time goes by.  Too often lately, I find myself just wanting the kids to be quiet...stop being so silly all the time (wonder where they learned that) and listen.

So there you go.  I'm not sure where all the people that make those other lists get their information, but my experience has taught me that I really have no advice to offer anyone.