Top 5 things I don't know

We've all seen those lists from parenting blogs...or links to magazine articles.
"Top Twenty Things Every Parent Should Teach Their Kids"
"Top 10 Things A Dad With Daughters Should Do"
"25 Things A Mom Can Teach Her Sons"

I've read them, and even found some of the tips insightful and helpful.
But I'm usually left with one thought...how do other parents know so much?

After a particularly large parenting fail on my part yesterday, I decided to put together my own parenting list.

And now, straight from the home office in Kaukauna, Wisconsin, I present

The Top 5 Things I Do Not Know

 1.  How to eat healthy.  

Does not super sizing on a trip through the drive-thru count?

2.  How to do laundry.  

I don't really mind doing laundry.  And after these many years as a stay-at-home parent, I've done A LOT of laundry.  But I don't really follow any rules.  Sort lights and darks, wash this in cold, that in warm, lay flat to dry....bah....it all goes in hot water together and then in the dryer.

3.  How to have a serious conversation with my kids.  

"Dad, why did Grandma have to get cancer?"
"Hey, want to hear a knock-knock joke?"

"Dad, did you hear about that school shooting?"
"Who wants ice cream?!?!?"

4.  Where all the money goes.

When my kids get out on their own and are looking for budgeting advice and techniques, we'll probably have to google it.

5.  How to be patient.

I used to think this was my strong point as a dad.  But it seems to be getting worse as time goes by.  Too often lately, I find myself just wanting the kids to be quiet...stop being so silly all the time (wonder where they learned that) and listen.

So there you go.  I'm not sure where all the people that make those other lists get their information, but my experience has taught me that I really have no advice to offer anyone.